"Will you finally be happy when there is no one to miss you? You cut & cut & cut away bonds. You feel nothing for anyone else, you selfish bastard." There is no life without death, no joy without pain, no love without loss. I don't want the pain, so I won't take the joy, either. I will feel nothing. I will have nothing. I will want nothing. But then, I have nothing to give. What do I have to offer, when I am empty inside? I've been so busy cutting pieces of my heart out. Cutting out all the hopes & dreams.
I feel like I should care, I should be appalled, shocked, screaming, "Oh my god, what have I done, and how can I set it right?!" But no. I don't want to "set it right." What good is a heart? What good are dreams & hopes? What purpose do they serve? I think, instead, I should just keep cutting, keep breaking those bonds, giving up those wants. There is no point to this, so I should just settle into the pointlessness.
"One day, you'll die. One day, you'll die." It's a mantra to cling to, a speck of hope in the hopelessness, to remember that it is finite. One day, this pointless, empty waste will cease. One day, I'll die.
